Careful what you put in your online dating profile. That’s what came to me as I began my second hour of bathing suit judging with Alison this weekend. There was the one that showed too much of this and the one didn’t show enough of that; the one that would make funny tan lines, the one that bunched in the wrong places, and the one that … well, you get the idea.
Let me back up – this wasn’t our first date. In fact, I met Alison two years ago. So judging bathing suits at this juncture in our relationship seems appropriate. At least to me.
While sitting in a cruelly upholstered chair just outside the dressing room, patiently waiting for the next doomed ensemble to debut, I suddenly realized I was responsible for bringing this into my life. How? Way back when, I wrote a dating profile and one of my well-crafted lines was… “I am fully capable of holding your purse while you dance or while you shop at Dillards.” I was trying to be funny, not prophetic.
Ugh, after another failed suit showing, I get back to what any guy would do in this situation: researching performance car parts on my phone. Within a few clicks, I’m good again. Centered. I like car parts. I’ve got this. Until I realize my phone battery is in the single digits. Panic sets in. With the last few minutes of my iPhone’s life, I snap a selfie and post a desperate message – a plea for help (and/or attention).
Alison bought 2 swimsuits that day. Then promptly returned them. Alison and I are still together, but she now shops for bathing suits on her own.