SURVIVOR! 

If there is one thing I never expected to be known as, it’s a “survivor.” Yet I feel it on this third anniversary of my son, Jay’s journey to heaven. I still look for him and miss him every minute of every day. Having Down syndrome, Jay spent all of his 46 years at home, the last eleven were just the two of us with my husband, Carl already in heaven. 

Most of us use the term “survivor” loosely because it can mean a number of things. Surviving a car wreck, a medical prognosis and more. But there are personal losses that also cause untold trauma in our lives. 

I survived the death of my 3-month-old son, Travis, many years ago. It changed me forever. I watched my emotionally-scarred, adopted daughter walk away from anyone who loved her, until weeks before her death. 

I experienced the horrific loss of my husband of 45 years. My children’s father. Then in September, 2022, I grieved the deaths of both my mother and my youngest son, Jay. 

I don’t write this for sympathy or out of some egotistical tribute. I believe we are all survivors on this life journey. Our stories are different. Some are even hidden. Betrayal. Abuse. Addiction. Circumstances no one knows about. Survivors just the same. 

Years ago, I battled through months of clinical depression and panic attacks. I’ve undergone surgeries in the double digits, and this month I proclaim myself a one-year breast-cancer survivor. A huge, “Praise the Lord!” So very thankful! 

I share this to show that sometimes the person walking right beside you or sitting across the table may be a survivor. The teacher, nurse, construction worker, even that sales person who was rude to you. We can’t see behind their demeanor. We don’t know their losses or what horrific memories haunt their minds or hearts. 

And though I’m thankful to be a survivor, I still desperately miss my sweet, son, Jay as well as my husband since their heavenly journeys. It’s hard! But I also believe that God wants me to “thrive,” as well as “survive,” on this earthly pilgrimage. I wish you the same.