Sitting in Our Sadness 

Sometimes in life we need to sit in the middle of our sadness. At least it seems that way to me. I’m not a counselor or bereavement specialist, but I’ve been through enough grief to warrant an opinion. 

I was one week into my 22^nd birthday when my sweet mother-in-law died at the age of 44 years old. I had barely turned 27 years old when my three-month-old son, Travis left my arms for heaven. I’ve experienced the deaths of my loving dad and father-in-law as well as the devastating loss of my husband, daughter, and granddaughter, along with a host of friends. And most recently, my gentle mother and sweet son, Jay left this earth for heaven and life has never been the same. 

Jay loved to sing and dance and tease his mom. And though he struggled with a severe speech articulation disorder, this mom could read him like a book. It was just the two of us at home for 11 years after my husband of 45 years passed, so now, without both Carl and Jay, life is super lonely. 

And I know I’m not the only one. I’ve listened to other mourner’s pain. Most of us long to tell our stories, but friends or extended family are often fearful of causing tears so they don’t visit or mention our loved ones’ names. Here’s a little secret! We need to cry! It helps cleanse our grief. Your words may fall on shattered hearts, but we still need your presence. Casseroles or gift cards are great but nothing says love like sitting in our sadness. 

Know that we are not going to be sad forever though it feels that way at times. One day we will smile again, even laugh. But for the moment, sit in our sadness with us. Listen to our hearts. Don’t hold back your tears or hugs. We need them. We need to know our loved ones mattered. We need your touch, your words, your love and sweet memories. We need you! 

One of the best ways you can model God’s love in our grief is to sit in the middle of our sadness.