LOUISE: Wives with Heavenly Husbands

By the time you hold this
magazine in your hand or read this article online, I will have spent 28 months
without my husband, Carl. Two years and four months—855 days to be exact. And
you know what? I’m not the only one counting days and especially nights. There
are many wives with heavenly husbands and we all share a common thread. No
matter the length of time passed, whether three months or three years, we still
miss our mates. We still listen for their footfall and long to feel their
loving arms around us.

When God joined us in marriage,
we took the words from Genesis 2:24 literally, “The two of them will become
one.” After 45 years of marriage, Carl and I certainly were one. Through good times,
bad times and everything in between, we were one. I think back on our wedding
vows. So far from traditional. Carl was ship-ping overseas right away, thanks
to the United States Army. We had only eight hours to spend together. The
Chaplain knew what we were facing and tailored our vows as we pledged, “I
promise to be faithful, whether here or abroad, together or apart….” After the
ceremony he jokingly said to Carl, “Though I asked her to love and honor you, I
didn’t ask her to obey. That’s up to her and having her promise wouldn’t do any
good.” My new husband gave a little smile, knowing what a spirited young bride
he had.

If you are a faithful reader of
my column, you know I have written often about the loss of my husband and my
grief. Many responded to those articles, especially other women grieving the
deaths of their husbands. We are all in a sorority of sorts without our
choosing—wives with heavenly husbands. I call us that because we still feel
married even though our beloved spouses are basking in Glory. But knowing that
doesn’t stop our pain or our unique needs. We were suddenly catapulted into a
role that requires us to do everything our husbands did as well as our own
daily routines. A huge responsibility when you are in the depths of grief. If
there is one time you don’t want to make important decisions, it’s when you are
in mourning. Your brain is in a fog. Your heart is bleeding and you wonder if
you will even wake up the next morning, or if you actually want to wake up. But
grief and responsibilities don’t wait. You are thrust headlong into them. If
you’re lucky, someone will come along side you and help steer you through the
maze of “beginning widowhood.” Some people are blessed with a support system of
family, friends and church. Others are not. Either way, it is extremely
difficult.

So why am I writing all of this?
First, to help everyone understand the depth and breadth of grief, but mainly
to invite other “wives with heavenly husbands” to a support group. I have felt
the need to start a group for a good while. There are already a half dozen
ladies anxiously waiting to attend. We welcome any woman who is traveling this
journey with us. Come and share your hurt, heart, love, needs, tears and
laughter. We have no agenda except to help each other and to meet new friends.

Our first meeting will be on Thursday, October
10, at 7pm at the Mardel conference room, 33rd and Boulevard. If possible,
please e-mail and let me know you will be attending. Otherwise, just show up. I
look forward to meeting you!