Jay’s Special Gift! 

I’ve always loved moonlight. It’s beautiful and serene. And for me it holds something unique. After my husband died, my son, Jay, with Down syndrome, would watch for the moon each night and when he saw it, he would throw kisses and wave and shout, “Hi Daddy!” It touched my heart. 

I asked Jay if he thought Daddy helped God hang the moon at night. He smiled and said, “Yes!” It was nice knowing this helped his grief. 

Then eleven years later, I walked out on my deck, in the middle of my grief, after losing my sweet son, Jay and saw the moon for the first time since his leave-taking. My heart literally leaped in my chest, remembering all of Jay’s sweet kisses and messages to his dad. And right there on that deck, I lost all my inhibitions and yelled as loud as I could, “Jay, it’s Mom! Can you see me?” I threw kiss after kiss to my son and smiled through tears. 

Who would have thought that my sweet boy would teach me how to grieve for him after he left for heaven? I like to believe God put those actions in Jay’s life, not only to help him in his grief on losing his dad, but to show me how to find a sliver of joy when grieving the loss of my son. 

This month would have been Jay’s 50th birthday. That would have been amazing, but any cardiologist will tell you that Jay’s 46 years with his rare, progressive heart disease was absolutely miraculous. I believe, when doctors proclaimed a very short life expectancy for Jay, God smiled and said, “Just wait till you see the miracles I do with this child! Wait till you see his tenacity and love for Jesus! Wait till you see the joy his unconditional love brings to everyone around him. Oh, the things this child will do!” 

Jay brought so much love into this world that I sometimes wonder how it exists without him. I’m beyond thankful that God chose me to be his mother. 

Happy Heavenly Birthday, Jay! 

Love you with all of my heart!