Prisoners of Possessions

“We help them relate to healthy living based on what’s real and true instead of the lie that things can fill us and make us secure.”

If you’ve ever heard of someone who calls themselves a “hoarder”, you may be surprised to find their home and their life is far more complex than you realize. Beyond clutter, these homes are typically stuffed from room to hallway, floor to ceiling, from porch to backyard and often confine their residents to one area or tiny room of the house. These compulsive hoarders are usually fractured by loss or trauma while they live in fear and social isolation as a prisoner of their possessions.

By definition, compulsive hoarding is a mental disorder marked by an obsessive need to acquire a significant amount of possessions, even if the items are worthless, hazardous or unsanitary. Over time, the debts and the stuff mount up and back their owners against a wall.

Certified Life Coach, Rhonda Harryman, M. Ed, CLC of Grace Life Coaching, says compulsive hoarders acquire possessions as coping skills to deal with stress and the effects of devastating experiences. “It usually has something to do with a background of trauma and loss which triggers emotions that cause them stress. They don’t have the coping mechanism to regulate their stress levels, so they develop destructive habits.”

“I worked with a couple in their 50’s whose marriage was severely affected by hoarding,” Harryman says. “They lived physically separate lives within their upscale home. Although their income allowed for any type of help they might need there was a deeper problem leading to the hoarding, making it extremely difficult for either of them to live in peace.” Harryman referred the couple to a trusted counselor while working simultaneously on creating a healthier environment for them.

For most, that first step is changing the way they think. “The client and I begin step by step to recognize thinking patterns that don’t line up with reality,” said Harryman. “Then I coach them to faithfully put their priorities in place. We task analyze everything that needs to be done, then help them relate to healthy living based on what’s real and true instead of the lie that things can fill us and make us secure.”

Becky Keever, professional organizer and owner of Reclaim Your Space once worked with a client who lost a loaded gun in their home. This was a very dangerous situation to be in and the client was frantic. Keever says, “We switched the focus of the day to finding the gun.”

While not everyone who lives with clutter and disorganization is a compulsive hoarder, things pile up and cause chaos. For those clients, Keever says changes in a person’s work or home life usually produces the problem and often the previous ways of completing tasks no longer function. “I want people to know that they didn’t fail; their systems did and we can find a new system that will produce results in their new circumstance.”

What are the signs of a compulsive hoarder? Harryman says, “There is a distinct odor to these homes because they tend to be unhealthy and unkempt by the owner. Some people will appear to be clean in public but at home it’s a different story. Also you’ll notice very protective habits or they have a different excuse every time you show up at their home. The predominant sign is they never let you in their space.”

Harryman recommends an intervention, which begins with access to their hearts before you tackle their home. “Anyone can make physical changes but if it’s not an inside-out job, it will reoccur. If you are not someone they trust, your efforts will never work. Understand their world, where their stresses are and then talk about that. A friend is great, and then, if necessary you can refer them to a professional.”

According to Harryman, freedom from hoarding is like lifting a burden. “This is an unbelievable weight on their shoulders that has been there 10, 20, even 50 years in some cases. That’s a long time to be held captive. It means freedom to them because they are truly in bondage before that point.”

The good news is there is life after hoarding. For more information on compulsive hoarding, visit www.compulsivehoarding.org.